A Disco Christmas

Posted on December 3rd, 2015

Category: Damian Cowell's Disco Machine

Why I’m doing a Christmas show by Damian Cowell

Inspired by the news that Mariah, engorged with James Packers’ largesse, has made a Domino’s Double-Calzone of a Christmas movie, I’ve decided to stage a Christmas extravaganza of my own. I know that my jumping on the Christmas bandwagon may disappoint you, and I say: precisely – but more of that later.

Like the Herald Sun reader who said:

“Rising petrol prices don’t affect me. I only buy $10 a time”

– if you follow one of those religions that are routinely ignored by mainstream media (until we need  someone to blame), you may wonder what all the fuss is about during this time of year. But Christmas isn’t really about Christ. It’s about that way bigger religion, shopping. Santa was invented by Coca Cola, a revelation courageously exposed by those establishment-baiters Nickleback in their recent single “I object to the objectification of women”.

For me however, Christmas is about something else. Like any day in the calendar when we are told  to be happy, Christmas is the season of disappointment. Just ask the kid cracking the shits on Christmas morn because he didn’t get a Ferrari pedal car. I first became aware of the disappointment of Christmas as a teenager. Christmas was the time when Christine Kennedy – the hot chick who lived up the road from me whose house I used to jog past in forlorn hope of recognition – would go away on holidays. Jogging in the 33 degree heat suddenly lost its frisson.

And Christmas is the season of disappointment for so many of us:

– It’s a time when we reflect on our (lack of) achievements in the past year
– It’s a time when we slave all day to prepare the house for guests, only to find that our  sister/brother-in-law (delete where applicable) hasn’t stopped being a dickhead in the last 12 months.
– It’s a time when mothers can express their disappointment at how their 4 adult children have turned out, by buying them all identical ceramic wombats (this actually happened)
– It’s a time when your favourite footy player can disappoint you by being sprung on social media taking crystal meth with the club mascot in a bikie house
– It’s a time when Angus and Julia Stone don’t say: “we sound like Fleetwood Mac on ketamine”.
(OK, I’m the only one disappointed by that.)

Er, hopefully you get the picture.

But Christmas doesn’t have to be all about disappointment. Damian Cowell’s Disco Machine will present for you ‘Disco Christmas’. Just so you’re not disappointed, let’s set your expectations straight up front: a ropey old bloke will jerk around like a stroke-victim while trying to hide his modest abilities behind a suspiciously young-looking band performing cheesy disco songs with highly inappropriate lyrics.

How does that sound? Oh yes, and comic royalty Tony Martin will be joining us for 5 songs, plus special guest will be Pinky Beecroft, the brains behind Machine Gun Fellatio. (Those two last bits are actually good.)

So now you can’t be disappointed. That’s why I’m doing a Christmas show. Oh, and my work Christmas function is on that night, and I needed an excuse to get out of it.

See you there? You’ll be disappointed if you’re not.

– Damian

PS: you can purchase tickets here.

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